Perseverance, that is my word for this year, 2018. As I reflect on this word that is to be my word for this year, I look back at this crazy year. Yes, there are a few more weeks left in the year, but most of it is gone.
A lot has happened this year. I will be honest, there have been many times this year when I questioned things. If I am honest with myself, there have been times that I have questioned God and shut down instead of persevering through the difficulties.
When I read back in the blog from January of this year, I was so full of hope and confidence. As I write these words, hope and confidence are waning a bit. Yet, I can’t lose my focus on God. I refuse to lose focus on God.
He must be my strength because I feel so weak. He is holding me up right now because I feel like just falling over. There is power in His name.
I think a lot of times, I know I do this, we try to be brave and stand on our own when we really need to have the support. It is amazing that I can show a happy face to the world, but inside I am so tired. I know that I can’t do this on my own.
This year has taught me that we can have perseverance. I wrote these words in January of this year, “This year will be, for me to be steadfast in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”
This year has had highs and lows. My journey through this year is to persevere through it. It has not always been pretty. In fact, there has been some ugly, but God is bringing beauty out of the ashes.
The mission, that God has me on is God-sized, and it sometimes seems insurmountable. When I try and do it on my own, it doesn’t work. Yes, it is crazy, but, sometimes we do things on our own. How is that working for us?
If our focus is on God, we will persevere. When life or circumstances knock us down, we will be able to get back up. Yes, bad things happen, but when we focus on God, and not the bad, we will persevere.
I can’t change this last year when I shut down instead of pushing through. When the crazy of the world got to me, and I focused on the crazy instead of God. These things that happened whether to me or to my friends and family, I can’t change my response to it.
Yes, I can mourn, and it is okay to mourn. However, shutting down, and turning my focus off of God is not what I need to do. I can’t change the past, but I can change what I do today.
What I can do is live today, and each day, with the same perseverance and reliance. My God does not abandon me. He is always there for me, and He is always there for you too.
Today, December 5, 2018, I was going through what I had written above to see if it made sense, I really wasn’t feeling the words. The words made sense to me, but they didn’t read real. As I read them, the parts about God being there for me, they didn’t ring true to me.
I was doubting the words that I wrote and kind of feeling like a phony for writing something I wasn’t feeling. Then God communicated with me. I received this verse from a friend in an e-mail. “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36. I burst into happy tears.
Here I am writing about my confidence waning and feeling like a phony for writing these words that I wasn’t truly feeling. God knew the words that I wrote were true, and He sends His words to help me persevere through. In the moment when I need Him, and my confidence is waning, God shows up to remind me He is STILL here.
He never left me. My focus was on something else. Actually, my focus was on me, and the circumstances I was finding myself. I lost my true focus. God reminded me of what my focus needed to be.
“God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams? He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.” Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)
I am grateful that when I feel like giving up or stagnate, God shows up, and waves something in front of my face to remind me that He is still with me and never left me. He is the EVERPRESENT reminder that with Him, I can preserve and push through. With Him, ALL things are possible.
In that same e-mail from my friend, the author of the article that I continued to read, Sharon Jaynes, wrote, “Sometimes it can feel that our promises are tightly shut up. That doesn’t mean that we give up. That means that we suit up, step up, and keep moving forward.” It was perfect, and it was God’s perfect timing that I needed to hear those words.
There is POWER in the name of Jesus. There is wonder-working power. He continues to show me and show up. So, I will preserve through the doubts, because my God is bigger and more powerful than any of my doubts or lack of confidence.
That means, that I am “suiting up, and stepping up.” I ask prayers from each one of you that are reading this. Because, the project, the mission, the will of God for me to do is God-sized. I am very aware that it is something that I can’t do on my own. So, that is what I am asking of you, prayers.
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| Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash |
Dear Poppa God,
Thank you for showing up today, and always being with me. It is amazing that when I feel like I have lost the confidence and faith, You remind me that You are always with me. Thank you. I also need you always. This mission, this project, this will of yours for me to do, it is Your size, God-size, and I can’t do this on my own. You always show up. I have faith that You are always with me. With you, I can persevere.
In Jesus name, Amen
Written by Laura Maxson