PERSEVERANCE – My Word for 2018

     Perseverance, that is my word for this year, 2018. As I reflect on this word that is to be my word for this year, I look back at this crazy year.  Yes, there are a few more weeks left in the year, but most of it is gone.  

    A lot has happened this year.  I will be honest, there have been many times this year when I questioned things.  If I am honest with myself, there have been times that I have questioned God and shut down instead of persevering through the difficulties.  

    When I read back in the blog from January of this year, I was so full of hope and confidence.  As I write these words, hope and confidence are waning a bit.  Yet, I can’t lose my focus on God.  I refuse to lose focus on God.

      He must be my strength because I feel so weak.  He is holding me up right now because I feel like just falling over.  There is power in His name. 

     I think a lot of times, I know I do this, we try to be brave and stand on our own when we really need to have the support.  It is amazing that I can show a happy face to the world, but inside I am so tired.  I know that I can’t do this on my own.

     This year has taught me that we can have perseverance. I wrote these words in January of this year, “This year will be, for me to be steadfast in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”

    This year has had highs and lows.  My journey through this year is to persevere through it.  It has not always been pretty. In fact, there has been some ugly, but God is bringing beauty out of the ashes.

    The mission, that God has me on is God-sized, and it sometimes seems insurmountable.  When I try and do it on my own, it doesn’t work.  Yes, it is crazy, but, sometimes we do things on our own.  How is that working for us?

    If our focus is on God, we will persevere.  When life or circumstances knock us down, we will be able to get back up. Yes, bad things happen, but when we focus on God, and not the bad, we will persevere.

   I can’t change this last year when I shut down instead of pushing through.  When the crazy of the world got to me, and I focused on the crazy instead of God.  These things that happened whether to me or to my friends and family, I can’t change my response to it.

   Yes, I can mourn, and it is okay to mourn.  However, shutting down, and turning my focus off of God is not what I need to do.  I can’t change the past, but I can change what I do today.

   What I can do is live today, and each day, with the same perseverance and reliance.  My God does not abandon me.  He is always there for me, and He is always there for you too.

    Today, December 5, 2018, I was going through what I had written above to see if it made sense, I really wasn’t feeling the words.  The words made sense to me, but they didn’t read real.  As I read them, the parts about God being there for me, they didn’t ring true to me.  

   I was doubting the words that I wrote and kind of feeling like a phony for writing something I wasn’t feeling.  Then God communicated with me. I received this verse from a friend in an e-mail.  “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36.  I burst into happy tears.

    Here I am writing about my confidence waning and feeling like a phony for writing these words that I wasn’t truly feeling.  God knew the words that I wrote were true, and He sends His words to help me persevere through.  In the moment when I need Him, and my confidence is waning, God shows up to remind me He is STILL here.

    He never left me.  My focus was on something else.  Actually, my focus was on me, and the circumstances I was finding myself.  I lost my true focus.  God reminded me of what my focus needed to be.

   “God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams?  He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.” Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)

    I am grateful that when I feel like giving up or stagnate, God shows up, and waves something in front of my face to remind me that He is still with me and never left me.  He is the EVERPRESENT reminder that with Him, I can preserve and push through.  With Him, ALL things are possible.

    In that same e-mail from my friend, the author of the article that I continued to read, Sharon Jaynes, wrote, “Sometimes it can feel that our promises are tightly shut up. That doesn’t mean that we give up. That means that we suit up, step up, and keep moving forward.” It was perfect, and it was God’s perfect timing that I needed to hear those words.

    There is POWER in the name of Jesus.  There is wonder-working power.  He continues to show me and show up.  So, I will preserve through the doubts, because my God is bigger and more powerful than any of my doubts or lack of confidence.

    That means, that I am “suiting up, and stepping up.” I ask prayers from each one of you that are reading this.  Because, the project, the mission, the will of God for me to do is God-sized.  I am very aware that it is something that I can’t do on my own.  So, that is what I am asking of you, prayers.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash 

Dear Poppa God,

Thank you for showing up today, and always being with me.  It is amazing that when I feel like I have lost the confidence and faith, You remind me that You are always with me.  Thank you.  I also need you always.  This mission, this project, this will of yours for me to do, it is Your size, God-size, and I can’t do this on my own.  You always show up. I have faith that You are always with me. With you, I can persevere.

In Jesus name, Amen

Written by Laura Maxson

Reflection of the Words for the Year

Back in January, we prayed that God would reveal the word or words that would define our year. Through prayer, God revealed that He wanted my words to be Focus and Confidence.  It has been a journey, but God has defined my year with these two words.

It has taken eleven months for me to see how the words have defined my year.  I have finally opened my eyes to see what God is doing in my life.  Actually, I should say-God has opened the eyes of my heart to be able to see what He is doing. Thankfully, God never gives up on any of us.

As I reflect on this last year, it has been a year full of both good moments and very bad moments.  I have questioned things and found answers. 

I want to take several moments to reflect on these words and what they meant to me for this year.

 

FOCUS – The center of interest or activity. (Noun); Adapt to the prevailing level of light and become able to see clearly. (Verb)

CONFIDENCE – The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust (Noun)

 

Photo by Kartini Maxson

I am focused on Jesus as my Lord.  Because I am focused on Him, He has shown the light on my prayers, and I can see clearly the answer that He has given me.  I see Him more clearly.  With my focus on Him, He is becoming my center.

It has come to the point, there are times that I pray just to praise the Lord for never giving up on me.  Sometimes, I just talk with Him to thank Him for life.

When I pray to Him for guidance on something, or for someone, I have a clear view of His answer. There have been times that the answer is no, and I still praise the Lord.  When the guidance comes, I see with clarity, because my eyes are focused on Him.

I have confidence in my Lord.  With every moment that I spend with Him, my belief in Him is more secure. Just like in any relationship, the more you get to know someone, the more you trust them, and the more you are confident in that relationship.

With my confidence in My Lord, I have more confidence in myself when I follow His leading.  I have confidence that the Lord will never guide me in the wrong direction.  Sometimes I have questions, but God answers those as well. 

The more I am focused on Him, the more confidence I have in Him.  I can be confident in Him that He will never fail me.  His love never fails me.  I have confidence in my Lord, and that confidence is because I focus on Him.

“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.” Proverbs 4:25

Some of you know of my past struggles and the hurdles that I have gone through.  The Lord has always been there. It was when I shifted my focus from myself to my Lord, things became so much clearer.  I have more confidence in Him.

I promise you, that doesn’t mean that I still don’t sometimes have question. But, those are the times that I focus more on my God instead of the question.  Usually, God will show me more clearly that He was not kidding or taking me on the wrong road.  God keeps shining the light on the answer, until I finally get it.

That happened just recently. This last month, I prayed for guidance on a situation and that God would show me the direction that He had for me.  In my prayer journal, I even wrote, that I knew that He would answer me before I had prayed about it.  He did.

It came in the mail as a birthday present from one of my best friends.  I open it up, and it was an answer.  It took me a couple of days to realize that it was the answer, but when it finally hit me, I looked back in my prayer journal and realized that it indeed came before I had prayed for it. 

My friend had mailed it, and it was supposed to have come on my birthday. But, it didn’t come until a couple of days later. The day I had prayed.  

The Lord knew that I wouldn’t pray for guidance until Monday, so He held it in Pennsylvania, so I would know that this was my answer.

Had I received the gift on my birthday, I would have not seen it as the answer to what I was going to pray three days later.  God needed me to focus on Him, for the answer to become clear.

Here is where my confidence in God is growing. This week, I have been questioning if the answer was really in the direction of where I thought it was.  Maybe, it was just a coincidence, and the guidance from God was telling me something different.  So many questions, my confidence wavering.

God is so good, He keeps showing me through Bible verses, and the book I am reading, that He will never take me in the wrong direction.  He is always constant, and never plays games with us.  In faith, I go with the guidance that the Lord has given me.

I go in confidence of Him and keep my eyes focused on Him.  He will not lead me astray.  So, when the doubts and the over thinking comes, I will keep my focus on the Lord.  I will walk by faith in confidence with my eyes focused on my Lord.

Lord, Poppa God, I continue to focus on You, and with that focus, I become more confident in You.  Only in You am I confident that You will continue to guide me.  I praise Your name, and will continue to share my story of what You have done in my life.  The road has not always been easy because of the decisions I have made.  You, although, have always been there with me, and carried me at times. I thank You.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Laura Maxson

            

December Prayer Topic: Looking Back

Almost one whole year. Has it already been a whole year? 

Looking back. Thinking back to January, thinking about that one word. That one-prayed over word-that would be the focus of this year. The year with You. The year in You.

That word-Expectations

Remembering the moment that word came. Like most other things, when seeking after Your will, it came in Your time. Like before, not the word I had wanted, not the way I wanted it to come. But Your word, the way You wanted me to know it. 

So expectantly, I waited to see what You would do with that word in my life. 

That word, that when it came, I knew it was the one. I knew You were going to have a hard time chiseling away me-my expectations. I hoped in that one word, more would come. More words You would speak to me. Then I forgot. I forgot about that word-that prayed over word.

Your word, I should have laid up in my heart and soul, binded it on my hand, had it as frontlets between my eyes. Your word, I should have taught to my child, and talked of it when sitting in my house, and walking by the way, and laying down, and rising up. I should have written Your word on the doorpost of my house and on my gate* that I would have seen it every time I walked by. Your word, that I should have remembered.

Did You do it? Did You do what I had wanted-what I had expected You to do with my life-with my word?

No.

No, You didn't do what-I wanted. 

You did what-You wanted.

You exceeded my expectations.

Even though I forgot our word-our prayed over word. You didn't. You never do. You keep working on me. You have a plan for me. 

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.

 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
 and lay your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
 it is high; I cannot attain it.
    
Psalm 139:1-6 (ESV)

You know me-knows me better then I know myself. You have reminded me this year, it's not about my expectations-it's about Yours. It's not about my plan-it's about Yours. 

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.
 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:13-16 (ESV)

What You want for my life, is far beyond what I could ever expect, imagine, want for myself. 

You want to me remember that You are God and i am not. 

Yes, i fall short, i forget, i am not. 

But, You are.

You are the I AM

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!

 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)

~kartini r. maxson

* Deuteronomy 11:18-20 

photo by kartini r. maxson