Listening to the Silence

Sometimes it's hard for me to share with others the things that I think I'm good at. It's that fine line between humility and pride. But, one thing I humbly pride myself in is-my listening skills.

I want to listen to others. I not only want to, but enjoy and appreciate the ability to spend one-on-one time learning and listening to what other people have to say. I love listening to their funny stories, how someone's day was, random facts, struggles they may be going through. Just listening.

But, there's one thing I have a hard time listening to.

It's Silence.

I struuuuuugle with silence. To the point that I have, what my husband has termed, "verbal vomit." When I'm faced with silence in a conversation; I, the one who prefers to do the listening, would rather fill the silence with uncomfortable, awkward talking. During these times, as I'm awkwardly attempting to poorly navigate this one person conversation, I tell myself "Stop talking! Stop Talking!" And yet, the words continue to pour out of my mouth, because I can't handle the silence. It's terrible.

But, when I really think about it, I don't always struggle with silence in conversation. If I'm honest with myself, there are people I'm OK being silent with. The one's I'm completely comfortable with. The one's who know me. The one's who I feel will not judge me.

 The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10

There are time in my journey with the Lord and He goes silent, I struggle with that. Times when I'm either waiting to hear Him speak, or have heard him clearly before. I'm listening and waiting. But, for whatever reason He has chosen to be silent. It's really hard place for me to be. 

Many times, even with the Lord, the One who I'm comfortable with, who knows me, who does not judge me, but ultimately loves me; I end up filling His silence with my talking. I try to say what I think He might want to say, I  reason with Him, I even make plans to  move when He hasn't asked me to.

It's hard for me to listen to His silence. But, I believe that if I would just "Be still, and know that HE is God," that in the silence I will learn what He want to say to me. 

A few weeks ago we were at camp meeting and I was listen to Pastor Debleaire Snell. He was preaching about the times in our lives that we feel in the dark. The hard times, the night. One of the things he said resonated deep with me. He said, "God won't leave you in the dark. God will lead you in the dark."

Remembering those word, I feel that is also true with His silence. Though silence may be the "complete absence of sound;" with God, it can be the complete Presence of God.  He is there in the silence when we stop and allow Him to be God in our lives-what ever it may look or sound like. 

"Be still, and know that I AM God."

Psalms 46:10

When we do that, I believe we will hear-and know Him.
Even in the silence.

Photo by Ezra Jeffrey on Unsplash

~kartini r. maxson

I'm Listening?

Closing the garage door behind me, it had been a long week. Not a bad one, but a long one. Walking into the family room, I started telling my husband about my past two days at work. As I continued to share about how exhausted I was, He put down what he was currently doing and began to listen.

I continued on about other subjects, like school things for our son, going over our calendar for the next few weeks, talking about the visit from friends that was coming up. He listen to me, appropriately interjecting into the conversation. But, I definitely did most of the talking. 

Once I felt I had said all I needed to-satisfied, I headed upstairs to take a shower. It felt good to have his undivided attention for those few minutes.

After my shower, I got dressed and headed back downstairs, supper was calling. I was processing through my head what I should make, and what my teenage and husband might want. As I was rummaging through the fridge I asked my husband what he wanted for supper. No answer. So, I continued. I rattled off a list of things in the fridge, then moved on to the pantry and started listing off things in there. 

Then came his answer. "I'm sorry I didn't hear anything you just said. I wasn't listening."

The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10

I find myself in these situation with the Lord.

There are times that I've been yearning to hear from Him. Time where I've been so connected and in tune, that when I heard His voice calling, I immediately answered, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." What comes next, is nothing but beautiful and amazing. As I listen, He "tells me great and unsearchable things I did not know."Jeremiah 33:3

Then, there are the times that life is calling me. Calling me in all different directions-mom, wife, daughter, work, church, friends. Listening to all those other things, that when He calls me-calls my name, I don't hear Him. He's there "as at the other times"calling my name. Just waiting for me-waiting for me to stop and listen. 

I don't know if you ever find yourself this situations. Like me, if you do-know there is hope. As with Samuel, He doesn't stop calling out to us after one time. His voice is there, calling out as all the other times. He's wanting to share with us, to talk with us, to tell us great and unsearchable things. 

He's just waiting for us to listen.

~kartini r. maxson

August Prayer Topic: 1 Samuel 3:10

The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10