Standing in the procedure room, we had finished the day and all the patients had gone home. I was trying to get ahead on some paper work for the week to come. That's when my friend came in, she was also trying to cross a few things off her list.
Growing up Adventist, going to Adventist school almost my whole life, living in a sheltered Adventist circle, I'm a little embarrassed to say, I didn't have very many close friends who were not Adventist.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have many people in my life that are not Adventist, who I hold dear and am thankful for their friendship and the way they ministered to me. But, I felt there was always something holding me back.
Fear. I was chained to this fear of sharing with them what being an Adventist was about. This part of my life that I hold dear and close to my heart. I loved sharing Jesus and what's He's done for me, and how He wants to be part of our lives. But is was the other stuff, the stuff that was different.
What if they thought it was weird? What if we didn't agree? What if I didn't know what to say? What if I didn't know the Bible well enough or have the right answers to their questions? What if they would think differently of me? What if what they said would change what I believed?
I knew my friend was a Christian. By her words and her actions, in my heart I believed she followed Christ. Previously, we had conversations over Biblical and spiritual beliefs and when she would share something different, this fear would creep in. I'd start praying and I would hear God's voice, accompanied by peace, "Kartini, no one can serve two masters."
There in the procedure room, the conversation turned into one on spiritual matters, about how God was working things out in our lives. I felt this prompting to share with her this fear, this struggle of sharing personal beliefs with someone of a different denomination. I hesitated, again out of fear. But, I believe this prompting to have been by the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit gave me to courage to just say it and address this fear.
She, so understandingly, listened to all these insecurities that came out. She shared that she has the same concerns about opening her heart and mind to spiritual matters, wanting it to only be of the Lord. She shared about praying about making sure to put herself in a place where things are of the Lord. But still the concern about, "What if it's not?" Then she shared with me, one of the most freeing prayers I have ever heard. She said "I pray 'Lord, if it's of You, make it stick. But, if it's not of You, wash me clean.'"
In that moment I found this incredible freedom. It's something I believe, but so easily forget. It's the realization that God is so much bigger then me, that when I allow Him complete control and "enslave" myself to Him, that's where true freedom can be found. There are definitely things I can do to set myself up to serve and honor Him; and in all those things I can pray and ask Him to be the one to make it stick or wash me clean.
The devil know my fears can easily weigh me down, ensnare, in a sense-chain me. The problem is when I focus on them, they can hold so tightly that I can't even move.
Hebrews 12, reminds me, we are not alone in this. God has surrounded us with people in our lives that will help us through this. In my case, it looked very different then I thought it would. Through the power of Christ, that chain of fear was thrown off and He showed me the beauty of truly being part of the Body of Christ.
~kartini r. maxson
Growing up Adventist, going to Adventist school almost my whole life, living in a sheltered Adventist circle, I'm a little embarrassed to say, I didn't have very many close friends who were not Adventist.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have many people in my life that are not Adventist, who I hold dear and am thankful for their friendship and the way they ministered to me. But, I felt there was always something holding me back.
Fear. I was chained to this fear of sharing with them what being an Adventist was about. This part of my life that I hold dear and close to my heart. I loved sharing Jesus and what's He's done for me, and how He wants to be part of our lives. But is was the other stuff, the stuff that was different.
What if they thought it was weird? What if we didn't agree? What if I didn't know what to say? What if I didn't know the Bible well enough or have the right answers to their questions? What if they would think differently of me? What if what they said would change what I believed?
I knew my friend was a Christian. By her words and her actions, in my heart I believed she followed Christ. Previously, we had conversations over Biblical and spiritual beliefs and when she would share something different, this fear would creep in. I'd start praying and I would hear God's voice, accompanied by peace, "Kartini, no one can serve two masters."
There in the procedure room, the conversation turned into one on spiritual matters, about how God was working things out in our lives. I felt this prompting to share with her this fear, this struggle of sharing personal beliefs with someone of a different denomination. I hesitated, again out of fear. But, I believe this prompting to have been by the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit gave me to courage to just say it and address this fear.
She, so understandingly, listened to all these insecurities that came out. She shared that she has the same concerns about opening her heart and mind to spiritual matters, wanting it to only be of the Lord. She shared about praying about making sure to put herself in a place where things are of the Lord. But still the concern about, "What if it's not?" Then she shared with me, one of the most freeing prayers I have ever heard. She said "I pray 'Lord, if it's of You, make it stick. But, if it's not of You, wash me clean.'"
In that moment I found this incredible freedom. It's something I believe, but so easily forget. It's the realization that God is so much bigger then me, that when I allow Him complete control and "enslave" myself to Him, that's where true freedom can be found. There are definitely things I can do to set myself up to serve and honor Him; and in all those things I can pray and ask Him to be the one to make it stick or wash me clean.
Hebrews 12:1-2 says: Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12, reminds me, we are not alone in this. God has surrounded us with people in our lives that will help us through this. In my case, it looked very different then I thought it would. Through the power of Christ, that chain of fear was thrown off and He showed me the beauty of truly being part of the Body of Christ.
It also reminds me-it matters what we focus on. Our focus should not be the things that weigh us down, ensnare, or chain us. Instead we should fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.
It's when I look to God and choose to be chained to Him, instead of my fear-that's where true freedom can be found.
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. "
2 Corinthians 3:17
So, I ask you today. What are you chained to?
~kartini r. maxson
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