After putting God first, then what?...

I like to be in control, I like things to be perfect.

When I say that, I'm not talking about being in control as in charge, being the boss, telling other what to do. That is really the last thing I want to do. I'm talking about in my life, what I do, situations I'm involved in.

In January, Control was the word God has ordained for me to be the theme of my year with Him: The fact that I struggle with it and He wants it.  2 Corinthians 5:14, 15 "14 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 15 and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

So, my plan was to put God first in this area of my life. And my idea of what would happen after putting God first was very different then what has happened.

My expectation seemed logical to me.
- If I put God first...
- Then I would be much more capable to figuring out what else He wanted me to fill my life with.

That's just it. I was expecting to be more capable to figuring out what He wanted me to fill my life with.

These past few weeks He has allowed me to go through some experiences to reminded me I am not in control and I am not perfect.

Before figuring out what He wants in my life, I need to give it all to  Him. Not just certain parts of it, not 99.9% of it, but ALL of it.

After putting God first, then what? It's putting Him first, last, through out. It's making Him my everything and taking me out of the equation.


So.... Patient Gracious Lord, Here it is.

My Declaration of Imperfection & Freedom from Control

I’m not perfect.

I will never be.

Jesus makes me whole, complete, controls me. Not to be perfect & so I won’t make mistakes. But to Love. He loves me & my imperfections & who I am even though I make mistakes.

I choose not to blame my parents, or the way I was raised, or the path of anxiety and stress I chose in the past. TODAY and from now on,

                        I CHOOSE TO LOVE JESUS.

He will help me process my imperfections not to make me perfect, but to Love me. Always Love me.

I will allow Jesus and others to help me by:

*Giving myself permission not to complete something (what I would say was) 100%.

*Giving myself permission to not continue or complete something if I am interrupted.

*Occasionally, intentionally, be OK with doing things imperfectly, and not obsess or stress over it.

*Allowing others to help me, even if I know it will not be done the way I would do it.

*Celebrating these small successes.

*Find & enjoy a God dreamed hobby.

*Take time for myself.

*Exercising.

*Celebrating my mistakes. Acknowledge when I make mistake, and celebrate that I am not perfect and I am not in control.

God loves me & does not ask or expect me to be perfect. He asks to me love Him, those around me……& myself.

Lord, Thank You for Your Perfection, for Freedom from control, because You are in Control. Thank You for allowing this hard, stretching, painful growth to draw me closer to You. 

~Kartini Maxson