January Prayer Topic: Word for the Year with God

One Word?

Easy.

Merriam-Webster definition of easy?

Easy

 adjective

\ˈē-zē  \

easier; easiest

Definition of easy 

1a: causing or involving little difficulty or discomfort

b: requiring or indicating little effort, thought, or reflection

This is what I wanted. Lying in bed, tear-soaked cheeks. I wanted it to be just a little easier. For the first in time in my relationship with God, I was having it out with Him. Yes, I’ve been overwhelmed, sad, feeling like my relationship may not have been as close as I have wanted it to be. But this emotion was new for us. I was so angry and frustrated, not just at the situation, but actually at God.

I’ve told other’s “He can handle your anger and frustration” and in my heart, I believed what I was telling them. But we-God and I had never been there. Not like this.

Last year I had been praying and intentionally trying to practice our word “abide.” Learning to practice His presence in the every day, connected to the vine in every situation. Trying to allow Him to be part of every thought, every decision. I found how easily distracted I am, but how gracious, steadfast, and reminding God is. He led me to read books, have conversations, hear podcasts, learn in Bible study about it’s not about perfection, but the process of Him working it out in me. And I had moments where I not only believe it, but I felt it.

But, in that moment, I didn’t want him to be working out the process in me, it was too hard. Our family seemed to be being attacked on all sides, my health, my family’s health, the Paradise fire, work, the ministry plans that we had been working on for 2 years, everything seemed to be falling apart at the same time. I felt pulled in all directions trying to say “yes” to everything HE was asking for me.

As I laid there in bed next to my husband, I told him. No-I told God, I did not doubt His love for me, I did not doubt that He was kind to me, I did not doubt that He has good things for me. But I was afraid of what He might ask next of me. I was afraid He was asking too much of me, I could not do it. I was afraid because I did not want to say “no” to Him, and I felt if He asked one more thing of me, I would say “no.”

It was then that I realized my anger came from fear. Through this fear and anger, I challenged Him. I feel like I know His voice, and in the moment, He was choosing to remain silent. I told Him I was trying my best, I was trying to allow Him to work in me. I pleaded that He would just tell me what He wanted of me. I told Him how unfair I felt that He would say so little in the Bible about Enoch, the man who walked with God and was taken and would not tell us anything else about how he did it. I told him I wasn’t sure I could be caregiver, handle the emotion for the loss in our family, stress from work, the disappointment for a ministry seemingly failing after years for dreaming and planning. And knowing he was choosing to be silent, I called Him on it. “Now, when I’m pleading for answers when I need You to say something to me. You choose to be silent!”

“I JUST WANT IT A LITTLE EASIER!!”

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Silence. Nothing. In bed, sobbing as floodgates opened and tears came. In the stillness, God chose silence. Instead of speaking-He chose to hold me.  In His infinite kindness and goodness, like the parent I wish to be, He allowed me to beat on His chest and He took it. He let me have it out, then wrapped His arms of love around me. He did not reprimand me for using that tone of voice with Him, He did not tell me how good I actually have it, He did not give me the answers I wanted. He just held me in His love.

As the sobbing calmed and remaining tears trickled down my cheeks. I felt a peace. It was the peace that He had promised and spoken to me just a few weeks before.

In the stillness, my husband wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t know what God wants from you. But I know he doesn’t want a robot. He wants to know what you want, what you can handle. He wants you to be honest with Him. He wants a real relationship with you.”

In the stillness, in the silence, I fell asleep, still unsure of what was next. But asleep wrapped in His love and peace.

The next morning, His still small voice came. “I sent you an example. I sent you My Son.”

Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

~kartini r. maxson

March Prayer Topic: What are You Holding On To?

Coming home from work, I put my cell phone on the counter in the kitchen that holds many things, keys, multiple electronic devices, mail and the such. There, sitting just to the left of my phone, a medium size brown envelope with my name on it!

"What's this?!" A smile spread across my face. I love getting real mail.

"Oh, yeah.That came for you today," was the reply.

Quickly, I tore into the envelope, to discover this beautiful, thread bound, square book called "Comparison Trap" by Sandra Stanley. As I opened the front cover, what caught my eye was sparkling gold washi tape that held a letter in place.

It was from a dear friend. "Tini," she began. "I started the year with this devotional. I found it truly inspiring and amazing. It changed my perspective in many areas. My copy is all marked up..."

Immediately, I picked up the phone and called her.

She shared with me the story behind how she discovered this 28-day devotional. How it helped her to see familiar verses from the Bible in a new light, and also, how it changed the way she lived her life.

After hanging up the phone, I nestled down into the couch and flipped through the pages of this book. It was full of beautiful pictures, hand lettering, and inspirational quotes. I pulled out my phone, downloaded the companion app and began watching the first video.

Sharing from the Word of God, what Sandra and her husband, Andy, spoke, settled down into my heart. How often do I live my life comparing? Comparing what I have and don't have, qualities, things, people? Not just in my life, but the lives of my family as well?

Andy spoke on Ecclesiastes 4:6, "Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls of toil and chasing after the wind." His question-what are the things in our lives that we grab a hold on so tightly, that we don't allow a hand to be open to God?

His picture was so clear. Two hands, faced down, with fists clenched tightly. Versus, one hand, face down holding on to tranquillity, while the other hand, palm facing up, open-ready to receive whatever God has for us.

As I listened to those words, I could see the things in my life that I held tightly to. Things that would not allow me to freely accept the good and perfect gifts from my Father.

So my questions to you is the same. When you close your eyes, what is it that you see? Things that might be holding you back? Things that can cause a life of discontentment? Things that keep you from accepting His gift so easily and freely? Or maybe it is tranquillity in one hand, and another ready to receive from God.

What are you holding on to?

February Prayer Topic: To Love

This month the topic of how "to love" seemed like somewhat an obvious topic. But for some reason, every time I'd sit down to think about what to write... Nothing.

How hard can it be, to think of how we can love others? 

Tonight, I was on the phone with a my dear sister-in-love and we were talking about this dilemma. What should this month's topic be, what should we write about, being somewhat uninspired.

That conversation didn't seem to go much further. So, we continued on to other things. I was sharing with her about how the day went.

I smiled, thinking over the events of the day as I chit-chatted with her about it. I thought about all the texts from family and friends that popped up on my phone,  funny voicemail messages, my co-worker who have become like family, getting off work early and just spending some unexpected family time together. 

Thinking back, I really felt loved. It was a perfect day. 

But, is this really love?

Tonight. In the town of Loveland, Colorado; there is a group of teenage girls and their prayer leader who are spending their Friday night volunteering at "Night to Shine."

Night to Shine is an unforgettable prom night experience, centered on God’s love, for people with special needs ages 14 and older. On one night, February 9, 2018, more than 500 churches from around the world will come together to host Night to Shine for approximately 90,000 honored guests through the support of 175,000 volunteers!

Can you just picture it, 6 junior and seniors girls with their prayer leader, taking their own time, their Friday night after a long week of school, sports, and work; volunteering for an event that isn't for them?

Is this love?

To both questions, I say "Yes." 

In these instances, others had the opportunity to express their love. Love to a friend, daughter, sister, wife,  and for these girls-90,000 random strangers.

So my problem isn't really not having anything to write about when it comes to love. It's slowing down and reflecting on my life and seeing how I am loved!

God has so blessed my life full of these things. I just needed to slow down and look at my life through His eyes. 

In His word, He promises to give us life, life more abundant (John 10:10), because He is good. But more then that-it's because God is Love.

This month I pray that you take the time to slow down. Look around. Regardless of what is going on in your life, what blessing or challenges you may be facing, He wants you to have that life more abundant, a life filled with Love. 

So...
Stop 
Look 
And know you will find Love.

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

~kartini r. maxson

Generations in Bondage

I've heard the Bible verse "for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me." It's found both in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5

I've heard this verse attributed to things that can be traced back through family line, things that plague our lives. Things like anxiety, depression, unwillingness to forgive, abuse, alcohol, drug addictions, spiritualism. The things that are usually the family secrets, dark and hidden, that no one really talks about, but in certain circle are said in whispered tones. 

A few years ago, I found freedom from the chains of anxiety and control. Anxiety and control, that I discovered came from the need to be perfect and feeling as if I was never quiet enough. Perfection was never attainable, because there was always something I could have done better. I needed to always do more, to show I was good enough, gain approval, to be perfect. But, through the help of others and the working  of the Holy Spirit, I found freedom in the realization, I was right. Perfection for me is never attainable. There is nothing I can do to attain perfection, nor should it be my goal. 

No, perfection can only be achieved by someone else.  Perfection can only be found in Christ alone, "the Author and Perfecter of our faith"(Hebrews 12:2 ESV). That it is through Christ, I become complete and perfect in Him. "Being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6 ASV

What I've also come to discover, I was not alone in this struggle. This is a struggle that ran deep and holds strong through our family. I found these issues can trace back into the 3rd generation of our family and who knows how much further. 

But, praise be to God, 

Through the working of the Holy Spirit, our family is starting to openly talk about it with each other. We've also asked those close to us to pray for us as well. Because of this, we are realizing that it can stop with us! With God's help it will stop with us! 

When I was going through counseling, I shared with my counselor how hard it was to choose a different path then the one my mind took me down, the path of anxiety. But, I had moments when I felt free from it, and I was afraid that it might come back. He said to me, "These changes you are making are like changing the course of a river. It will take time. It will be hard. But, then you'll realize you're going the other direction." He continued, "It's not a matter of 'if' it (my anxiety) will come back, but 'when.' And now that you've tasted freedom, you won't want to stay there. And you know how to get back."

The reason I'm sharing this with you, is so God may have all the glory when He frees my family from these chains. And, for you to know that you are not alone-God wants to do this for you too.

Everyone has things in their lives, in their family's lives, that run deep and go back far, things that have enslaved us. I pray that once you've realize whatever these things may be-that you try God. Pray that He lead you "in the way you should go" (Psalm 32:8), and that He reveal people in your life that can help in the healing process. 

What's even more incredible to me are the words that follow in this verse. 

"for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:5-6

These words were original written for the children of Israel. They had just been freed from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. For generations they had been enslaved. Now that He had freed them, He wanted to make sure they didn't put anything else in His place, make something else their master. But, keep Him as their God. So, He gave them instructions on how to live fully free. Some of these instructions came with a warning of who their actions could affect if they choose otherwise. But, also with that warning, came a beautiful promise of freedom and love, that can be found in Him, which will continue down through family lines for a thousand generations.

That same promise He has for us. He can free us from chains that have shackled our families for generations. When we make God the only God in our life, put Him back in His rightful place, we allow Him to free us from the bondage of slavery. 

And God spoke all these words: 

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 

You shall have no other gods before me. 

You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. 

Exodus 20:1-6 & Deuteronomy 5:5-10 (NIV)

Photo by Jake Givens on Unsplash

~ kartini r. maxson

What Chains?

Standing in the procedure room, we had finished the day and all the patients had gone home. I was trying to get ahead on some paper work for the week to come. That's when my friend came in, she was also trying to cross a few things off her list.

Growing up Adventist, going to Adventist school almost my whole life, living in a sheltered Adventist circle, I'm a little embarrassed to say, I didn't have very many close friends who were not Adventist.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have many people in my life that are not Adventist, who I hold dear and am thankful for their friendship and the way they ministered to me. But, I felt there was always something holding me back.

Fear. I was chained to this fear of sharing with them what being an Adventist was about. This part of my life that I hold dear and close to my heart. I loved sharing Jesus and what's He's done for me, and how He wants to be part of our lives. But is was the other stuff, the stuff that was different.

What if they thought it was weird? What if we didn't agree? What if I didn't know what to say? What if I didn't know the Bible well enough or have the right answers to their questions? What if they would think differently of me? What if what they said would change what I believed?

I knew my friend was a Christian. By her words and her actions, in my heart I believed she followed Christ. Previously, we had conversations over Biblical and spiritual beliefs and when she would share something different, this fear would creep in. I'd start praying and I would hear God's voice, accompanied by peace, "Kartini, no one can serve two masters." 

There in the procedure room, the conversation turned into one on spiritual matters, about how God was working things out in our lives. I felt this prompting to share with her this fear, this struggle of sharing personal beliefs with someone of a different denomination. I hesitated, again out of fear. But, I believe this prompting to have been by the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit gave me to courage to just say it and address this fear.  

She, so understandingly, listened to all these insecurities that came out. She shared that she has the same concerns about opening her heart and mind to spiritual matters, wanting it to only be of the Lord. She shared about praying about making sure to put herself in a place where things are of the Lord. But still the concern about, "What if it's not?" Then she shared with me, one of the most freeing prayers I have ever heard. She said "I pray 'Lord, if it's of You, make it stick. But, if it's not of You, wash me clean.'"

In that moment I found this incredible freedom. It's something I believe, but so easily forget. It's the realization that God is so much bigger then me, that when I allow Him complete control and "enslave" myself to Him, that's where true freedom can be found. There are definitely things I can do to set myself up to serve and honor Him; and in all those things I can pray and ask Him to be the one to make it stick or wash me clean.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says: Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The devil know my fears can easily weigh me down, ensnare, in a sense-chain me. The problem is when I focus on them, they can hold so tightly that I can't even move. 

Hebrews 12, reminds me, we are not alone in this. God has surrounded us with people in our lives that will help us through this. In my case, it looked very different then I thought it would. Through the power of Christ, that chain of fear was thrown off and He showed me the beauty of truly being part of the Body of Christ. 

It also reminds me-it matters what we focus on. Our focus should not be the things that weigh us down, ensnare, or chain us. Instead we should fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. 

It's when I look to God and choose to be chained to Him, instead of my fear-that's where true freedom can be found. 

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. "

2 Corinthians 3:17

So, I ask you today. What are you chained to? 

~kartini r. maxson

Dreaming Reality

February 4, 2014

I was sitting in the living room, curled up in the arm chair having my morning devotional. Staring out the window, I was really missing my friends that morning. Not just any friends but those so-close-you-don't-even-have-to-speak kind of friends. 

Moving around the country had it's advantages, seeing new places, meeting new people. But, what I always struggled with, was leaving those who were in my heart behind. Those I could trust with who I was, who I am, and what I was going through. Those who partnered in prayer with and for me. 

I had been reading the book "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. He challenged me to circle in prayer things, desires that God had place in my heart and see if He would be faithful. So I did. I circle my friends-my heart friends in prayer. I had been circling my desire, my need, to be part of something, to be part of a prayer group. But, not just any prayer group. One that somehow included my prayer-partnering-heart friends.

That's when it came like a flood.  Ideas to start a prayer group. A women's prayer group that would not be constrained by place or time. Where those in the group could pray with and for each other, where ever we were, at anytime, about the same topic, while being as heart-specific as needed with in the group. Then, as those with in the group felt God moved, they would start another group, and then other groups would be started. Like ripples in a pond.

All through out the day, the ideas came. Writing this God inspired dream on anything I could get my hands on when He spoke.

But, then as I thought more about it, and started sharing with some others. Doubt crept in. "How can you be part of a group of people you never meet with or see?" "I've never seen anything like this before." "Write a blog-Scary" "What if no one wants to be part of it?" "What if it never grows beyond you?"

I believe like anything God designed, the devil tries to destroy; and the only way I know how to do battle with the devil is on my knees. So I kept praying.

I prayed over the idea and over those I wanted to ask to be in it. I asked those I had shared the idea to pray. Then, I asked those I thought about being in it, to pray before they gave me an answer. 

After praying over it for a few weeks. I knew regardless of my doubts, God was saying to move. So, March 1, 2014 the ministry "Circle of Prayer" began.

Let me tell you, through the years things didn't always go the way I thought they should have. I've wondered why would God even choose me? Why would anyone read what we have to say? Should we even keep going? How will I make this dream a reality?

Just last month, I received and e-mail for one of my heart-friends we started the group with and she said I could share it with you all. 

Hi All, 

These last few months have been busy.... But when is life not busy? I asked you all several months ago to pray for me, for an idea I had. I don't remember if I was specific with you or not but I am over due in sharing with you all.

It started back when we had our small group retreat... A seed was planted, though it was not abundantly clear...a dream was born... I thank you all for your prayers. This dream over the months became clear, I wanted to start a small group for girls here at Campion. The challenges have been many, I've tried a couple avenues in which to start this group, to no avail.  I need a co-leader, though the people I talked to thought it was a great idea they were not able commit the time. Through support from my husband and prayers from all of you, we are launching a pilot group this year!  It gives me good bumps just thinking about the process.

She continued by saying...

This year the Spiritual VP and myself have been praying over names and decided that to pilot this year with one group, we needed to invite 6-8 girls to join.  This morning for the first time... I had good bumps and tears of joy in my eyes to see these girls gather at my house for an hour to kick off our small group.  5 of the eight we invited came the other 3 are still deciding.

Please continue to pray for this year, this group, these girls... That this may be a success.  My big dream is that every student can be in a small group that it would be available starting freshman year with the same group members for all 4 years and the same group leaders for all 4 years.  Imagine! The impact! Doing life together, building authentic faith, learning, knowing God better and building our relationship with each other. Being that safe environment where kids can be honest, vulnerable, and ask questions. Just imagine! 

Again thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray....Please surround us daily in this endeavor.

Photo by Cerys Lowe on Unsplash

What I've come to realize is that when God puts the dream in our hearts, and we seek after Him in prayer HE will be faithful to make it a reality.

So, I'm asking you. 

What dream has He put in your heart and what's He asking you to do about it? 

Take that step towards your God designed dream-and see for yourself if He will be faithful.

Rejoice evermore.Pray without ceasing.In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18(KJV)

~kartini r. maxson

Listening to the Silence

Sometimes it's hard for me to share with others the things that I think I'm good at. It's that fine line between humility and pride. But, one thing I humbly pride myself in is-my listening skills.

I want to listen to others. I not only want to, but enjoy and appreciate the ability to spend one-on-one time learning and listening to what other people have to say. I love listening to their funny stories, how someone's day was, random facts, struggles they may be going through. Just listening.

But, there's one thing I have a hard time listening to.

It's Silence.

I struuuuuugle with silence. To the point that I have, what my husband has termed, "verbal vomit." When I'm faced with silence in a conversation; I, the one who prefers to do the listening, would rather fill the silence with uncomfortable, awkward talking. During these times, as I'm awkwardly attempting to poorly navigate this one person conversation, I tell myself "Stop talking! Stop Talking!" And yet, the words continue to pour out of my mouth, because I can't handle the silence. It's terrible.

But, when I really think about it, I don't always struggle with silence in conversation. If I'm honest with myself, there are people I'm OK being silent with. The one's I'm completely comfortable with. The one's who know me. The one's who I feel will not judge me.

 The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10

There are time in my journey with the Lord and He goes silent, I struggle with that. Times when I'm either waiting to hear Him speak, or have heard him clearly before. I'm listening and waiting. But, for whatever reason He has chosen to be silent. It's really hard place for me to be. 

Many times, even with the Lord, the One who I'm comfortable with, who knows me, who does not judge me, but ultimately loves me; I end up filling His silence with my talking. I try to say what I think He might want to say, I  reason with Him, I even make plans to  move when He hasn't asked me to.

It's hard for me to listen to His silence. But, I believe that if I would just "Be still, and know that HE is God," that in the silence I will learn what He want to say to me. 

A few weeks ago we were at camp meeting and I was listen to Pastor Debleaire Snell. He was preaching about the times in our lives that we feel in the dark. The hard times, the night. One of the things he said resonated deep with me. He said, "God won't leave you in the dark. God will lead you in the dark."

Remembering those word, I feel that is also true with His silence. Though silence may be the "complete absence of sound;" with God, it can be the complete Presence of God.  He is there in the silence when we stop and allow Him to be God in our lives-what ever it may look or sound like. 

"Be still, and know that I AM God."

Psalms 46:10

When we do that, I believe we will hear-and know Him.
Even in the silence.

Photo by Ezra Jeffrey on Unsplash

~kartini r. maxson

I'm Listening?

Closing the garage door behind me, it had been a long week. Not a bad one, but a long one. Walking into the family room, I started telling my husband about my past two days at work. As I continued to share about how exhausted I was, He put down what he was currently doing and began to listen.

I continued on about other subjects, like school things for our son, going over our calendar for the next few weeks, talking about the visit from friends that was coming up. He listen to me, appropriately interjecting into the conversation. But, I definitely did most of the talking. 

Once I felt I had said all I needed to-satisfied, I headed upstairs to take a shower. It felt good to have his undivided attention for those few minutes.

After my shower, I got dressed and headed back downstairs, supper was calling. I was processing through my head what I should make, and what my teenage and husband might want. As I was rummaging through the fridge I asked my husband what he wanted for supper. No answer. So, I continued. I rattled off a list of things in the fridge, then moved on to the pantry and started listing off things in there. 

Then came his answer. "I'm sorry I didn't hear anything you just said. I wasn't listening."

The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”
1 Samuel 3:10

I find myself in these situation with the Lord.

There are times that I've been yearning to hear from Him. Time where I've been so connected and in tune, that when I heard His voice calling, I immediately answered, "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." What comes next, is nothing but beautiful and amazing. As I listen, He "tells me great and unsearchable things I did not know."Jeremiah 33:3

Then, there are the times that life is calling me. Calling me in all different directions-mom, wife, daughter, work, church, friends. Listening to all those other things, that when He calls me-calls my name, I don't hear Him. He's there "as at the other times"calling my name. Just waiting for me-waiting for me to stop and listen. 

I don't know if you ever find yourself this situations. Like me, if you do-know there is hope. As with Samuel, He doesn't stop calling out to us after one time. His voice is there, calling out as all the other times. He's wanting to share with us, to talk with us, to tell us great and unsearchable things. 

He's just waiting for us to listen.

~kartini r. maxson