January Prayer Topic: Year with God, Word with God

Curled up in my chair, I sat, January 1, 2017. I sat-writing words. 

My plan was to start the year positive and uplifting, to think about our word, to plan my year with God. But my mind was elsewhere. Just that morning I had planned on waking up early to spend time in worship. But, I didn't get up as early as I had hoped. By the time I wandered down stairs and set up my Bible and journal on the end of the couch, I wasn't the only one up. After getting a glass a water I turned around and there, sitting in my spot, was some else. Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed. Being the morning person that I am not, under my breath I made a comment about how they were in my spot. My spot, that I had obviously set up to spend quiet, quality time with God. Could they not tell? 

The response that came back, "Why don't you have your worship upstairs?" 

Though the response was asked in a very innocent manner, it got me fired up.

So, without a word, I took my things and headed back upstairs. Though no words were coming out of my mouth, my thoughts were non-stop. "How could they be so inconsiderate, couldn't they see that I had set my things there, didn't they know that I had planned on spending quality time with the Lord, now I have to go to my room where it was a mess, the bed was not made, my clothes sat on my dresser not put away. Did they not realized, that even though we had set up a special corner with a chair and my desk for me, I didn't want to be there this morning, I wanted to be downstairs on the couch!"

After setting my things in that chair, annoyed I looked at the unmade bed and folded clothes staring back at me. How can my mindset be positive and uplifting when I'm in the middle of this! So, I started to clean. As I made the bed I told the Lord, "This wasn't how it was suppose to start. I don't want to be annoyed or upset. So I'm going to do what 'they say,'-thank You for the things that are bothering me."

As I put away my clothes that had been sitting patiently all week, in their proper place, I rattled off under my breath how I was thankful that I had clean clothes, a bed to sleep in, for the person who had relegated me back upstairs. 

Finally, I was done. Now, I could have that positive, uplifting quiet time with God. Curled up in my chair, I sat, January 1, 2017. I sat-writing words. I started writing with a smile on my face, those same things I had just muttered under my breath as if that tantrum had never happen. 

6 lines-that's it. That's all my fake attitude could handle. Shaking my head, my hand started writing real words. How I really felt.

"Lord,

Please control my irritability, short temper, entitled, wavering feelings. I want to walk and talk with You all the time, be controlled by You, have You set my expectations, focus on You, be open to You, be patient, self-controlled, gentle, loving, kind, joyful, peace, good, faithful all in You and through You.

I'm not quiet sure where my heart is......"

What followed was a conversation with my God, in a quiet place, an undisturbed perfect place, to be real with God.  A place where true heart transformation could start. 

I tell Him my current struggles, my heart's desires, things I think should be my heart's desires, and He whispers back. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good;    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.Delight yourself in the Lord,    and He will give you the desires of your heart.Commit your way to the Lord;    trust in Him, and He will act.He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,    and your justice as the noonday.Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him
 Psalm 37:3-7

The One who already knows my heart and mind, had planned for us to have our time, in a place my heart could be real. 

Now-we could start planning.

"Forgive me Lord. i'm sorry, i was bitter."

I know.
I AM Patient, Kind, Long-Suffering, Full of Knowledge.
Lean on Me.
Learn from Me.
Trust in Me.

"OK Lord. Then we start. Start Today."

~kartini r. maxson

Reflection of the Words for the Year

Back in January, we prayed that God would reveal the word or words that would define our year. Through prayer, God revealed that He wanted my words to be Focus and Confidence.  It has been a journey, but God has defined my year with these two words.

It has taken eleven months for me to see how the words have defined my year.  I have finally opened my eyes to see what God is doing in my life.  Actually, I should say-God has opened the eyes of my heart to be able to see what He is doing. Thankfully, God never gives up on any of us.

As I reflect on this last year, it has been a year full of both good moments and very bad moments.  I have questioned things and found answers. 

I want to take several moments to reflect on these words and what they meant to me for this year.

 

FOCUS – The center of interest or activity. (Noun); Adapt to the prevailing level of light and become able to see clearly. (Verb)

CONFIDENCE – The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust (Noun)

 

Photo by Kartini Maxson

I am focused on Jesus as my Lord.  Because I am focused on Him, He has shown the light on my prayers, and I can see clearly the answer that He has given me.  I see Him more clearly.  With my focus on Him, He is becoming my center.

It has come to the point, there are times that I pray just to praise the Lord for never giving up on me.  Sometimes, I just talk with Him to thank Him for life.

When I pray to Him for guidance on something, or for someone, I have a clear view of His answer. There have been times that the answer is no, and I still praise the Lord.  When the guidance comes, I see with clarity, because my eyes are focused on Him.

I have confidence in my Lord.  With every moment that I spend with Him, my belief in Him is more secure. Just like in any relationship, the more you get to know someone, the more you trust them, and the more you are confident in that relationship.

With my confidence in My Lord, I have more confidence in myself when I follow His leading.  I have confidence that the Lord will never guide me in the wrong direction.  Sometimes I have questions, but God answers those as well. 

The more I am focused on Him, the more confidence I have in Him.  I can be confident in Him that He will never fail me.  His love never fails me.  I have confidence in my Lord, and that confidence is because I focus on Him.

“Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.” Proverbs 4:25

Some of you know of my past struggles and the hurdles that I have gone through.  The Lord has always been there. It was when I shifted my focus from myself to my Lord, things became so much clearer.  I have more confidence in Him.

I promise you, that doesn’t mean that I still don’t sometimes have question. But, those are the times that I focus more on my God instead of the question.  Usually, God will show me more clearly that He was not kidding or taking me on the wrong road.  God keeps shining the light on the answer, until I finally get it.

That happened just recently. This last month, I prayed for guidance on a situation and that God would show me the direction that He had for me.  In my prayer journal, I even wrote, that I knew that He would answer me before I had prayed about it.  He did.

It came in the mail as a birthday present from one of my best friends.  I open it up, and it was an answer.  It took me a couple of days to realize that it was the answer, but when it finally hit me, I looked back in my prayer journal and realized that it indeed came before I had prayed for it. 

My friend had mailed it, and it was supposed to have come on my birthday. But, it didn’t come until a couple of days later. The day I had prayed.  

The Lord knew that I wouldn’t pray for guidance until Monday, so He held it in Pennsylvania, so I would know that this was my answer.

Had I received the gift on my birthday, I would have not seen it as the answer to what I was going to pray three days later.  God needed me to focus on Him, for the answer to become clear.

Here is where my confidence in God is growing. This week, I have been questioning if the answer was really in the direction of where I thought it was.  Maybe, it was just a coincidence, and the guidance from God was telling me something different.  So many questions, my confidence wavering.

God is so good, He keeps showing me through Bible verses, and the book I am reading, that He will never take me in the wrong direction.  He is always constant, and never plays games with us.  In faith, I go with the guidance that the Lord has given me.

I go in confidence of Him and keep my eyes focused on Him.  He will not lead me astray.  So, when the doubts and the over thinking comes, I will keep my focus on the Lord.  I will walk by faith in confidence with my eyes focused on my Lord.

Lord, Poppa God, I continue to focus on You, and with that focus, I become more confident in You.  Only in You am I confident that You will continue to guide me.  I praise Your name, and will continue to share my story of what You have done in my life.  The road has not always been easy because of the decisions I have made.  You, although, have always been there with me, and carried me at times. I thank You.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Laura Maxson