I felt Jesus’ arms wrap around me in an embrace as I was screaming and
crying into my pillow. I felt His arms
holding me tightly as the tears rolled down my face. The panic attack was gripping my body.
These panic attacks had become a common thing. I had tried everything to make them
stop. That night, I even tried the
breathing technique that my counselor had given me. It helped some, but nothing was stopping the
attacks completely. I was trying to catch my breath. In a moment of complete desperation, I cried
out, “GOD, I need you. I can’t do this
anymore. Where are you?”
“He reached down from on high and took hold of
me; He drew me out of the deep waters.” - Psalm 18:16
Those arms around me, stilled me. Jesus
comforted me that night. There were many
nights and days just like that. Until I
finally realized that I couldn’t do it on my own. When I realized that, the panic attacks
stopped.
I struggled for many years, longer than necessary. I struggled to do it on my own. God was
always there waiting for me to realize that I could not overcome it on my own. Through Him, I have overcome the events of my
past. I am complete in Him.
He also opened my eyes to a lot of answers that I had been needing. He
had always been there, even when the tragic events happened to me. I asked the question and demanded an answer
from God. “Why did you allow this to
happen to me? Was this part of your
plan? I was a child. Why?”
His answer. “No, this was not part of My plan. “For I know the plans I
have for you,” declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Sin is in this world. Yet, even though sin is in this world, and our free
will in existence, He will never leave our sides. Maybe God can’t intervene on some things,
like times when intervening would interfere with someone else’s free will. Maybe there are times that things happen, and
we don’t understand. Maybe we will never
understand why they happened. God is
there. God is here.
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:5
In our darkest hour, He is
there. In our brightest moment, He is
there. So, no matter what we are going
through, He is there. I know there were
times in my life that I felt like no one understood. No one knew what I was going through. There were times that I couldn’t even
communicate what I was going through, but God knew what I was going through.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. - Psalm 147:3
Each day is a choice. Am I going
to lean onto my own understanding, or lean on Him and rely on Him? Today, I rely on Him.
Laura Maxson
