Why is it that abuse, whatever type, is sometimes kept in
the dark as a secret? It is not the victim’s
fault. There is nothing the victim did or
does to justify abuse of any kind. Why
is there shame of the abuse? The abuse happened to the victim, it was not asked
for. It was the abuser’s choice. The
person abused has no choice in the matter. That choice is taken away from them.
We, as a society, have a tendency to keep it hidden like a
dark secret to be ashamed of. Yes, it is
uncomfortable to talk about or think about.
Yet, it happens and it is a worldwide problem. Different organizations
have been founded to help victims of all types of abuse. We need to be
involved, by praying, by volunteering, by shedding light, and by helping stop abuse
of any kind.
I was one of those abused. I was abused by a family member who came to
live with our family for a while. What I remember as a small child are
snapshots or short films that play in my head of that time. The brain is an
amazing thing. The brain has the capacity to block memories that, at the time would
be so traumatic for the individual. The
brain puts those memories into the far corners of the mind.
Even today, over thirty some odd years after the events
happened, I still don’t have the whole picture or to the extent of the events.
I don’t need all the sordid details. What I do know, is that it happened. I
know where it happened, who abused me, and as I stated earlier. I know that
part of my childhood was taken away. Also, I had to grow up so much earlier then I
should have.
The repercussions of the abuse were guilt, even though I had
nothing to be guilty about. There was
shame. I was ashamed that something I
did or said made it okay for this person to do this to me. Yet, as a small
child, there is nothing I could have said to justify it being okay what was
done to me.
For many years I lived in the darkness and the shame. The decisions I made those many years later
were not the best because of where I was mentally. I can’t blame the abuser for
those decisions I made though. Those decisions
were mine.
I turned from God, but thankfully, He did not turn from me. There
was blame. I blamed my parents for
allowing this person to come into our home. He was an invited guest that lived
with us for a time. I blamed God for letting this happen. I blamed the man for
taking my childhood, which he did. I blamed anyone who should have protected me
against this abuse.
For many years, many years longer then I probably should have,
I lived in that darkness. I lost focus
on what God was trying to show me on a daily basis. Yet He never gave up.
Is there light from the darkness if you have been abused as
well? Yes, and I say that with full confidence.
There is a lot of mental ramifications that comes with abuse, but with
God’s help, and the help from a professional and family, I am not living in the
dark anymore. It is now my calling to
show those that are going through similar things the light I found in God.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he (or she) is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17
I know that my parents’ didn’t know, and if they had, that
person would not have been invited to our home.
It is just one of those thing that I could not have been protected
from. There is sin and evil in this
world, but I did learn something constant about God. I learned that God is with me always. I do
not have to be alone in my struggle. He is with me always.
“…and behold, I am with you always, to
the end of the world”
Matthew 28:20
About five years ago, I was driving to my folks’ house, and
had the radio on. Casting Crown’s song
‘Praise You in This Storm” came on. My mind drifted back to the memories of the
traumatic childhood events. I was shown a picture that God wanted me to see.
It was God showing me He was there. I drifted back to the
room of the events. I saw God holding me with tears rolling down His
cheeks. He was there. I saw Him there as I lay crying. Those tears rolling down God’s cheeks as one
of His children was hurting another of His children.
Do you realize what a comfort that knowledge was to me? God couldn’t stop the abuse, but He was
there with me then. He is with me now
and always. God is with us always even to the end of the world.
“Be strong and courageous. DO NOT fear or be in dread of them, for it is
the Lord your God who goes with you. He
will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
So, with God’s help, and strength, I am shining the light on
God. I am not glorifying the abuse, or
the abuser. God helped me through, and
He wants to help us all through our difficulties. Being a survivor of abuse is
not something to be ashamed about.
November 15, 2014 is a date that is my turning point. It is the day that I finally realized that I
am made new in God, and complete in Him.
It is the day that I finally saw the Light. I live my life in God’s glory,
and share my story with confidence.
I will shout it out from the roof tops. “With God, I survived…no better than
that. With GOD, I THRIVE.”
Dear Lord
I am so glad
that I can confidently say, “the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can
man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6.
Amen
Laura Maxson
Thanks for sharing!! It is amazing how God can bring strength out of pain. And you will help others too!
ReplyDeleteWendy
I've experienced what you've experienced. It has hurt my relations with others, my family, and God. I am determined to heal from the experience. I am learning to repent of my hatred and to quit blaming God. The hardest thing is to let go of the negative thoughts about how others view me and how God views me. To believe that I am loved. Besides the damage from the abuse, there is damage from others reactions to sharing about the abuse. A boy friend said I had to prove to him that I loved him by having sex with him because of the abuse. Another christian told me that while I was forgiven, I could be of no use to anyone in a church roles. My mother knew and blamed me for letting it happen. Others act like I'm dirty. I hold my head up, but I cry on the inside. I am now seeing that it is just Satan, telling his lies through people. But if I believe the words of God; how he loves me and gave his life for just me, I know the lies for what they are. I am clean, white as snow, and still a child of God with the same privileges and rights of any other child of God. Thank you for listening.
ReplyDeleteIn this world, it is true that everyone, everyone, has sinned and fallen short.
Delete"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8
But PRAISE BE TO GOD that while we were still sinners HE SENT HIS SON!!!!
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:17-21
My prayer for you is that you will find strength in Christ, not believe the lies of the devil that you are dirty, broken, of of no use! But instead in Him see the Light. Draw closer to Him. Believe His promise that He came for you, died for you, and rose again. And because of His Life you are Clean, Made Whole, and For His Purpose!
I am sorry that "Christians" told you that. I pray that God continues to show you that you are His child. You are a new creation in Christ. He wants to make you complete and whole in Him. God loves you, and in spite of what happened, and what others say, He is making you the person He designed you to be. What happened to you was not your fault. Please believe me when I say this, you are an amazing person for sharing your story. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLaura Maxson