Why is it that abuse, whatever type, is sometimes kept in
the dark as a secret? It is not the victim’s
fault. There is nothing the victim did or
does to justify abuse of any kind. Why
is there shame of the abuse? The abuse happened to the victim, it was not asked
for. It was the abuser’s choice. The
person abused has no choice in the matter. That choice is taken away from them.
We, as a society, have a tendency to keep it hidden like a
dark secret to be ashamed of. Yes, it is
uncomfortable to talk about or think about.
Yet, it happens and it is a worldwide problem. Different organizations
have been founded to help victims of all types of abuse. We need to be
involved, by praying, by volunteering, by shedding light, and by helping stop abuse
of any kind.
I was one of those abused. I was abused by a family member who came to
live with our family for a while. What I remember as a small child are
snapshots or short films that play in my head of that time. The brain is an
amazing thing. The brain has the capacity to block memories that, at the time would
be so traumatic for the individual. The
brain puts those memories into the far corners of the mind.
Even today, over thirty some odd years after the events
happened, I still don’t have the whole picture or to the extent of the events.
I don’t need all the sordid details. What I do know, is that it happened. I
know where it happened, who abused me, and as I stated earlier. I know that
part of my childhood was taken away. Also, I had to grow up so much earlier then I
should have.
The repercussions of the abuse were guilt, even though I had
nothing to be guilty about. There was
shame. I was ashamed that something I
did or said made it okay for this person to do this to me. Yet, as a small
child, there is nothing I could have said to justify it being okay what was
done to me.
For many years I lived in the darkness and the shame. The decisions I made those many years later
were not the best because of where I was mentally. I can’t blame the abuser for
those decisions I made though. Those decisions
were mine.
I turned from God, but thankfully, He did not turn from me. There
was blame. I blamed my parents for
allowing this person to come into our home. He was an invited guest that lived
with us for a time. I blamed God for letting this happen. I blamed the man for
taking my childhood, which he did. I blamed anyone who should have protected me
against this abuse.
For many years, many years longer then I probably should have,
I lived in that darkness. I lost focus
on what God was trying to show me on a daily basis. Yet He never gave up.
Is there light from the darkness if you have been abused as
well? Yes, and I say that with full confidence.
There is a lot of mental ramifications that comes with abuse, but with
God’s help, and the help from a professional and family, I am not living in the
dark anymore. It is now my calling to
show those that are going through similar things the light I found in God.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he (or she) is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17
I know that my parents’ didn’t know, and if they had, that
person would not have been invited to our home.
It is just one of those thing that I could not have been protected
from. There is sin and evil in this
world, but I did learn something constant about God. I learned that God is with me always. I do
not have to be alone in my struggle. He is with me always.
“…and behold, I am with you always, to
the end of the world”
Matthew 28:20
About five years ago, I was driving to my folks’ house, and
had the radio on. Casting Crown’s song
‘Praise You in This Storm” came on. My mind drifted back to the memories of the
traumatic childhood events. I was shown a picture that God wanted me to see.
It was God showing me He was there. I drifted back to the
room of the events. I saw God holding me with tears rolling down His
cheeks. He was there. I saw Him there as I lay crying. Those tears rolling down God’s cheeks as one
of His children was hurting another of His children.
Do you realize what a comfort that knowledge was to me? God couldn’t stop the abuse, but He was
there with me then. He is with me now
and always. God is with us always even to the end of the world.
“Be strong and courageous. DO NOT fear or be in dread of them, for it is
the Lord your God who goes with you. He
will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
So, with God’s help, and strength, I am shining the light on
God. I am not glorifying the abuse, or
the abuser. God helped me through, and
He wants to help us all through our difficulties. Being a survivor of abuse is
not something to be ashamed about.
November 15, 2014 is a date that is my turning point. It is the day that I finally realized that I
am made new in God, and complete in Him.
It is the day that I finally saw the Light. I live my life in God’s glory,
and share my story with confidence.
I will shout it out from the roof tops. “With God, I survived…no better than
that. With GOD, I THRIVE.”
Dear Lord
I am so glad
that I can confidently say, “the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can
man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6.
Amen
Laura Maxson
