My Happy Place

Staring up at the night sky at the stars twinkling. The moon rays through the tree casting shadows on the grass.  I was in my happy place.  The quietness of the night surrounded me.
No honking of horns, and no lit lamp posts causing the stars in the sky to be diminished. Nothing disrupted that moment. Complete peace.

A frog, or maybe a duet of frogs made their presence known. Wind rustling through my hair. It all added to the peace. I take a deep breath. Breathing in the peace.
Same location, cool morning, coffee cup in hand. Swirls of steam coming from the cup. Sun rays through the same trees that just the night before, the moon had shone through. Deer meandering through the yard with the fawns trotting behind. A rabbit hops into the forest. Squirrels chase each other around a tree trunk. Rays of sun streaming through the trees. Grass glistening from the light on the dew.

I was, once again in my happy place. Peace filled me.  Holidays, or just a weekend away from the hubbub of work, it was a peaceful place. Unwinding every time, I was up there.
Leaving my home, or work, and making my way up State Route 70 to the happy place. Driving each mile, peace would just come. It was an hour and a half drive through fruit and nut orchards in Northern California. With each passing moment, the stresses fell along the roadside. God would speak to me on this drive up.

If you ask me to close my eyes and picture where I could go and have peace fill me, I would tell you this place. My folks’ house up on a small hill next to the woods. Pulling into the driveway, and putting on the parking brake, I knew I was in peace.
Whether full of family, or just me, this place became my refuge. Whatever happened in life, the calm would exceed in this place. Walking through the woods or sitting on the deck. It always filled me with peace, my happy place.

That place is now gone. The Camp Fire of November 8, 2018, in Paradise, California destroyed it. In an instance, the home was turned into a pile of rubble and ash. That is all it took, just a moment. The place where many a moment was spent in peace, was now a pile of ash.
Now, it is all gone. Except for the dirt that now is where a home used to be. The cleanup crew cleaned up the rubble and took it away. A hill of dirt is what is left surrounded by the landscaping that is growing back up. Leaves are growing on the trees. Burned bushes have new growth sprouting up from the roots.

It is still the same place, the same spot. The address has not changed. Yet, it is not my happy place anymore. I had no “happy place.” OR…did I.

I am going to be honest, I mourned the loss.  Wondering if I would ever find the place where I could go to find that peace again. I was devasted. It hit me to the core. Not only for me but the twenty thousand people who went through what I can only imagine. They had lost their homes, their livelihood, their world.

Have you been there? Something that you thought was a good constant in your life was suddenly not there. In an instant, it was gone. Did you find yourself mourning? Asking what is it all for?
We all go through our day and lives, seemingly losing something or someone every day. There is so much loss in the world. So much sadness, and heartache. Seemingly nothing is constant. Where is the peace?

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” ~ John 14:27 |NIV

Yet, God promises His peace. It is not a peace that the world gives us. The “happy place” can’t be a place of this world. Every place, everything can be destroyed or taken from us. God’s peace will never be taken from us.

Our peace is like the wind. We can’t see it or hold it. We see the wind moving the trees, feel it on our face. Wind surrounds us. Peace, God’s peace surrounds us. We see it move in us and the people around us, we feel it.

With daily practice, our happy place can be wherever we are. That peace that we are searching for comes from something more than a place. To paraphrase a line from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. Maybe Peace doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Peace…perhaps means a little bit more.
Peace…God’s peace can only come from Him. The Creator of peace. I am not going to lie and say that sitting at my desk at work or in the car during traffic is my happy place. Yet, I can find peace during those times.

I am discovering that my “happy place” doesn’t have to be a specific place. Days filled with crazy. Work overwhelming. Life pushing. They are all still there. Yet, the peace comes when I look to the One who gives His peace.

Calming comes when I focus on the Creator of Peace-my happy place.
This month, my focus is going to be on praying for peace in each of us. God doesn’t promise a perfect Hallmark existence, but He does promise that He will be with us. This peace He promises is not of this world.

I know that I want that peace. I need that peace. What is a better word, then need? Crave that peace.

I crave for the peace that passes all understanding.

~ Laura Maxson

January Prayer Topic: Word for the Year with God

One Word?

Easy.

Merriam-Webster definition of easy?

Easy

 adjective

\ˈē-zē  \

easier; easiest

Definition of easy 

1a: causing or involving little difficulty or discomfort

b: requiring or indicating little effort, thought, or reflection

This is what I wanted. Lying in bed, tear-soaked cheeks. I wanted it to be just a little easier. For the first in time in my relationship with God, I was having it out with Him. Yes, I’ve been overwhelmed, sad, feeling like my relationship may not have been as close as I have wanted it to be. But this emotion was new for us. I was so angry and frustrated, not just at the situation, but actually at God.

I’ve told other’s “He can handle your anger and frustration” and in my heart, I believed what I was telling them. But we-God and I had never been there. Not like this.

Last year I had been praying and intentionally trying to practice our word “abide.” Learning to practice His presence in the every day, connected to the vine in every situation. Trying to allow Him to be part of every thought, every decision. I found how easily distracted I am, but how gracious, steadfast, and reminding God is. He led me to read books, have conversations, hear podcasts, learn in Bible study about it’s not about perfection, but the process of Him working it out in me. And I had moments where I not only believe it, but I felt it.

But, in that moment, I didn’t want him to be working out the process in me, it was too hard. Our family seemed to be being attacked on all sides, my health, my family’s health, the Paradise fire, work, the ministry plans that we had been working on for 2 years, everything seemed to be falling apart at the same time. I felt pulled in all directions trying to say “yes” to everything HE was asking for me.

As I laid there in bed next to my husband, I told him. No-I told God, I did not doubt His love for me, I did not doubt that He was kind to me, I did not doubt that He has good things for me. But I was afraid of what He might ask next of me. I was afraid He was asking too much of me, I could not do it. I was afraid because I did not want to say “no” to Him, and I felt if He asked one more thing of me, I would say “no.”

It was then that I realized my anger came from fear. Through this fear and anger, I challenged Him. I feel like I know His voice, and in the moment, He was choosing to remain silent. I told Him I was trying my best, I was trying to allow Him to work in me. I pleaded that He would just tell me what He wanted of me. I told Him how unfair I felt that He would say so little in the Bible about Enoch, the man who walked with God and was taken and would not tell us anything else about how he did it. I told him I wasn’t sure I could be caregiver, handle the emotion for the loss in our family, stress from work, the disappointment for a ministry seemingly failing after years for dreaming and planning. And knowing he was choosing to be silent, I called Him on it. “Now, when I’m pleading for answers when I need You to say something to me. You choose to be silent!”

“I JUST WANT IT A LITTLE EASIER!!”

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Silence. Nothing. In bed, sobbing as floodgates opened and tears came. In the stillness, God chose silence. Instead of speaking-He chose to hold me.  In His infinite kindness and goodness, like the parent I wish to be, He allowed me to beat on His chest and He took it. He let me have it out, then wrapped His arms of love around me. He did not reprimand me for using that tone of voice with Him, He did not tell me how good I actually have it, He did not give me the answers I wanted. He just held me in His love.

As the sobbing calmed and remaining tears trickled down my cheeks. I felt a peace. It was the peace that He had promised and spoken to me just a few weeks before.

In the stillness, my husband wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t know what God wants from you. But I know he doesn’t want a robot. He wants to know what you want, what you can handle. He wants you to be honest with Him. He wants a real relationship with you.”

In the stillness, in the silence, I fell asleep, still unsure of what was next. But asleep wrapped in His love and peace.

The next morning, His still small voice came. “I sent you an example. I sent you My Son.”

Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

~kartini r. maxson

May Prayer Topic: Philippians 4:12-13

I Can do ALL This Through HIM

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13 NIV)

This month we are praying this scripture.  Whatever we are going through, the good, the bad, or the ugly, we can do all of this through HIM who gives us strength.  He will give us strength not just in the good times, but in the bad times too.

We need to remember that.  I need to remember that.  Sometimes it is not that easy. Here is the question though, be content in any and every situation?  Content, as an adjective, is defined as “In a state of peaceful happiness.” 

Some people may ask questions. Be content with through hard times, through losses, through abuse, through?  Is that what I am supposed to be, content. Or, they say, if I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength, then why is something, or my life not going like I planned it?

         In reading through some commentaries and other articles about Philippians 4:12-13.  It helped me to look at this a little differently.  It is about God who is there and equips me for it all. That means the good, the bad, and the ugly.

         God is there in the trenches of this sinful world.  He holds tight to a little girl who is being abused and He is crying.  He holds her tightly, because of this sinful world. Because of this sinful world, and our free will, bad things happen.  

Everyone has free will, and sometimes we use that free will in the most horrendous of ways that hurt other people.  Maybe, we are the ones that were hurt because someone was using their free will. God is there to give us strength for those times.

He gave me strength to move on from that abuse.  That abuse that could have put me down another path, but because of God and His persistence, I am not defined by that abuse. I am God’s child, and every day, I can say, because of God in my life, I can do ALL things through HIM.

         Moreover, He is also there to celebrate with us when we are on the mountaintop of life.  When things are going well, and life is good.  He is there when we don’t have anything to complain about. He is there. So, yes, we can do all things through Him. 

Photo by Niilo Isotalo on Unsplash

         So, whatever situation you are in, you can do ALL things.  Being content is a little more challenging.  When something doesn’t go as planned, or the dark of night seems to overshadow the light, God is there to shine the light.

         At least this is what these words in Philippians are saying to me.  What are they saying to you?  I hope that we pray and find out what this scripture this month means to us.

         My prayer is that we all get to the point where whatever is going on in our lives, God is an evidentiary part of our life.  He is real, and he wants to be a part of each of our lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Dear Poppa God.

         I take this opportunity to thank you for giving us the strength when our well is dry.  You fill us up, if we allow you.  Thank you, and may this month, we realize that no matter what we are going through in life, you are there.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Laura Maxson